My Dreams Aren’t Rare

A small nod to the ever-amazing, Taylor Alison Swift. ;)

This sentiment struck me earlier this week when I excitedly opened “Château Reawakening” by Tim Holding of Château de Purnon. Words that Tim wrote echoed feelings I have already shared in the first posts of this journal. Fear, wonder, daydreaming…Tim talks about his spreadsheet of châteaux and I giggle as I look up at mine with its permanent tab on my browser. He questions if they have experience (none) and skills (few), do they have the money, and states that he continuously acknowledges the absurdity of it all. He states, “…you must be a little crazy. Buying and restoring a crumbling French château makes absolutely no financial sense.” All of this is on page 2. Page 2. I have never connected with another person’s writing as much as I have to this. I had to grapple with the idea of underlining phrases. Phrases that echoed my own and phrases that I have yet to share but have felt so deeply. Maybe I will. Wouldn’t it be fairytale-like to pull this book out of our library one day and look back at the fear I held onto so tightly?

A part of reading these words that I have felt so deeply is comforting - knowing that others have been in the same period I am currently in; aimlessly dreaming of a life that feels absurd to talk about out loud. Almost feeling intoxicated by the constant daydream. And yet, Tim & Felicity have been able to turn that reverie into their reality. It gives me a profound sense of hope. Others have done it - surely it isn’t that far out of reach.

And with that same sentiment, I am a little blue. This dream, my dream, isn’t rare. I’m not special for yearning to move in France, live in and restore a château. And I’m especially not rare for wondering if this dream will ever transpire for us. Most who dare to dream of becoming a chatelaine will probably never have the title. I just hope the library I pull this book from is in a foreign country in a home that is 150+ years old.

Sometimes the pessimist (I like to say realist) in me tends to win out. I see only the negatives, only the hurdles, only the defeats. The purpose of this journal was to share my dreams alongside my fears - and for that, I feel like I am doing a great job. Maybe too good.