To feel closer
After a long week (and it’s not even Friday yet), I grabbed a bottle of wine while out on a “baby bedtime outing” (when my other half takes over bath and bedtime duties). I was driving home tonight thinking about a glass of wine - my son will be turning two in a week and we are going through allllllllll the toddler growing pains - and thought “I’ll have a glass of wine and…write a post!” I don’t necessarily have anything to share, but I wanted to connect to feel closer to my dreams - something that is all mine <maybe the toddlerhood is rubbing off on me too>.
Life has been a little chaotic lately. I began this post on Feb 29th and it is now March 24th and I am only now finding the time to sit down and gather my thoughts. I don’t live a life that is fast-paced or filled to the brim with endless amounts of things to do (more on this in a future post). But what I do have is the incredible ability to numb out; to sit in front of a TV when I am feeling overwhelmed and to zone out for HOURS. Is this the healthiest of coping strategies - maybe not. Maybe this goes hand-in-hand with inertia? If I spent more time doing enjoyable and light “work” perhaps I wouldn’t get into the depths of my inertia. :food for thought:
We are currently going through some life changes - see next or last post, I don’t know which one. We are in the middle of an unexpected move. And in this chaos-filled time, when our home feels as though it is being ripped out from underneath us, I can feel myself grasping for France. All I want is to feel closer to my reverie. I can feel myself stretching, reaching, searching for all fragments that will help me to feel closer to it. I’m terrified this is the first step (or fifth step) in it falling behind. Falling behind of what? The arbitrary schedule I have in my head; I always wanted to be in France by the time my son was 5. I haven’t shared this with anyone (sorry, Goo) but it’s been a marker that I’ve unintentionally set.
But right now, I need to remind myself that this bump in our timeline doesn’t mean the daydream is leaving me (callback to Big Magic yet again). I have nourished these plans, ideas, and dreams for too long to let them go. I simply have other priorities - important, time-sensitive priorities that desperately need my time, attention, and energy. France isn’t going anywhere.
