To the Past
Image by Henri, 2.5, Versailles, FR / Kodak200
The amount of times I have wanted to log on and write these last 5 months has been…a lot. Lots of excuses, lots of valid reasons, lots of regret for allowing my thoughts to overrun my head. I almost feel like a different person since my last entry. But I also still see the beauty in this daydream and the desire to keep the embers burning. This journal originally started as a way for me to share the information, fears, and hopes I had for living a life in France; I would like for it to continue to hold that space, but I also want it to grow into a way for me to simply be human. To write when I have fears about life, when I have clarity from motherhood, when I have inspiration from creating - I want to write about my life here in the present and its future. But first, a look at the past.
Soooo, what have I been doing for the last 5 months? Not much, and yet so much. I have been living in my thoughts, in my fears, in my doubts for quite some time. It’s been exhausting. However, my intentions for this new year are to come back to myself - my true self. A confident, joyful, vivacious person who is proud of her accomplishments, her failures, her ideas and creations, and her daydreams. I am ready to come back to this reverie.
One accomplishment and failure from 2024 is we lived in Versailles for a month. We officially did it. And wow - it was everything. It was memorable, exciting, terrifying, nerve-wracking, joyful, frustrating, stressful, and exhilarating. Would I do it again? No, not for a couple of years, but I have no regrets. To be honest, plucking my 2.5-year-old up and removing him from his environment, routine, and friends was an unexpected hurdle. I knew it would be hard, but it was downright miserable at times. However, when we walked back into our home after 12+ hours of travel, I was overcome with pride for the warm and loving home I had created for us here in Seattle. I watched my son settle, find his books, and eventually eat a full meal (which he hadn’t done in weeks). I will write a post about our trip. It was too important and memorable not to.
I had a hard year with trust. Trusting myself, trusting others, trusting time…but I’ve learned to forgive. Forgiving myself mostly which led to me forgiving others and forgiving time. 2024 was a trying year filled with the most amazing memories. It’s funny how life balances itself out in the most beautiful ways. I have so much to be thankful for, so much to learn from, so much to hold onto, and so much to say goodbye to.
I’m truly excited for the new year and what I hope to bring to it. My intentions for 2025 are enlightenment, alignment, clarity, and purpose.
